Learning about our emotions
What were the early messages you received regarding your emotions? Did you learn that some emotions are “good” and others are “bad”? For example, if you were physically hurt or emotionally upset, did you get messages like “stop crying”, “have a cookie”, or “toughen up?” In our society we do a terrible job teaching about emotions and how to relate to our emotions in healthy ways.
A culture that promotes experiential avoidance
We are all surrounded by messages that if we are feeling any kind of “negative” emotion, then we are doing something wrong, or we should just “fix it”. These messages have created a culture of “experiential avoiders” as the norm. Experiential avoidance refers to a person’s tendency to avoid uncomfortable thoughts, feelings or bodily sensations. It is linked to a multitude of problems including anxiety, depression, PTSD, eating disorders, OCD, addiction, etc.
Quick fixes can lead to long term problems
In the short term, experiential avoiders tend to feel better which reinforces the tendency to avoid the thought, emotion or physical sensation. Although research suggests that attempts to suppress thoughts and feelings are actually ineffective in the long run; and can actually lead to an increase in that thought, feeling or physical sensation.
So trying to feel better by using coping methods that help us to avoid the thought or feeling can actually increase one’s anxious or depressed thoughts and/or feelings.
Learning to respond and relate differently to emotions
What are your unhealthy coping patterns you’ve developed to avoid unwanted thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations? Are these getting in the way of you living the kind of life you want? If so, you can work with a mental health therapist to help you recognize your emotional avoidance patterns and teach you better ways of relating to your internal thoughts, feelings and sensations. It’s not the negative thoughts, emotions, or sensations themselves that are problematic, it’s how one responds and relates to them that matters.
By Paula B. Johnson, MS, LMHC
Executive Director of Centered Mind Counseling Services, PLLC
Contact Us at (425) 269-3277 for more information about our services in Issaquah, WA.
